so, a few days i go i blogged about my shiny new keys...i was soooooooooooo happy to have one key to open all eight locks (if would-be thieves are reading this...i am only joking! each lock needs three separate keys to function properly and you have to do it in the right order and you have to hop on one leg while doing it so don't even think about breaking in!!)
the other night, after a long and stressful day, i took the pups to the dog park where they had a blast. i, however, was blessed by an ugly little Boston terrier who seemed to like me and was nuzzling around my feet when she promptly had what looked like bloody diarrhea all over my right foot.
i found her 'mom' and told her..and she blithely responded by saying, "oh, don't worry. it's just that she has her period". WHAT?? who brings an unspayed female dog in HEAT to a dog park?? i suggested that she might want to clean up the area a bit where her dog had soiled. i showed her my shoe. i should have just kicked her with my shitty, bloody shoe...and she smiled as she ignored me and strolled away. what is with some people???
i got home, tossed the shoes in the trash and decided to take the girls for a walk since we ended up leaving the dog park in a bit of a huff. well, i was in a huff; they were totally unperturbed. i sailed out the door; we had a great long walk but to my dismay the doors were locked when i came back. i have a routine. i did NOT lock the doors. i left the inside door open and unlocked; the security door closed and unlocked. two dogs and one human were very hungry and at least one of the three was very, very cranky at this point.
i knocked on my neighbor's door (Sergio - half of a cute young couple) and i asked if i could use his phone to call my son to come rescue me. he decided to 'do one better' and hopped over my fence, with apparent ease, and let himself in through my open patio doors.
a minute later (Ida) my other neighbor called out my name in her sing-songy voice. she was at my door wondering if i like the Armenian pizza she'd left for me. in all the confusion, i hadn't noticed the covered plate on my dining room table. she made it just for me she told me. i thanked her profusely and told her i'd eat it that night. then, she scolded me and reminded me to lock my doors even if i am out for just a short walk. she said, "don't thank me, but i locked them for you this time". mystery solved.
i opened my desk, got out two of the duplicate keys and gave one to Sergio and the other to Ida. phew!!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Everyday Heroes
sometimes a girl's just gotta toot her own horn!!
He had two wishes before he died: he wanted to see his two-year-old grandson and pet his dog just one more time.
But what sounds so simple would take precision teamwork and ultimate care to move a terminally ill patient, unable to breathe on his own, from the ICU to a more suitable gathering place in the hospital.
Respiratory Therapists volunteered to manually support his breathing so he could be off his ventilator. Transportation Orderlies volunteered for the delicate task of moving him.
“They were all just amazing,” said Holly Hamlett, M.Div., LCSW, who helped facilitate the “dream come true” trip along with her Inpatient Palliative Care teammates.
With his entire family gathered around, his little grandson sat on the gurney next to him, gently patting his grandfather’s face. His little dog lay quietly on his chest and licking his face through the mask.
“It was very emotional,” Hamlett said. “He had tears in his eyes as he smiled and gave us all a big thumb’s up.”
Back in the ICU, he wrote a little note to the team: “Thank you for all you’ve done for me and my family.”
He passed away peacefully early the next morning, his final wishes fulfilled.
Our team was recently honored by being named one of Kaiser Permanente's Everyday Heroes!!
Friday, July 29, 2011
hello cancer...checking in
yesterday was my 6 month check up with my dear oncologist. he's such a sweet and smart man. this time i knew things were really different because the medical assistant seated me in the exam room but didn't tell me to put on a gown or hop up on the table. Roberto (the oncologist) came in and sat on his little stool and we chatted. i mean it - we really just chatted (for about 15 minutes or so) about our families, our vacations coming up, (his the Caribbean; mine Italy). i told him he looked weary and he agreed that he was. our work is hard some times. he only sees patients that have cancer. i only see patients that are dying. we talked about the organization for which we both work and the new plans to bring palliative care consultation to the outpatient setting. we finally got around to how i was feeling and then he said...let me examine you. i gently reminded him that it might be easier if i changed into a gown. he laughed ( a little embarrassed, i think) and got one for me, stepped out of the room and when he came back in we were doctor/patient again. before it felt more like friends/colleagues.
he noted my complaints of continuing daily pain in the 'bad' breast. as he palpated it he said - "do you have an implant"? NO! "did you get a tram flap"? NO! " hmmmmmm", he said...i told him that what he was feeling - that rock hard and bumpy mass i lovingly call my 'breast' is the result of radiation and two plastic susrgeries. necrotic calcification is what he will write in his note.
he reminded me that i am nearly out of the DANGER zone...only one more year to reach that magic number 5!! for triple negatives recurrences tend to happen in the first 1 - 2 years. hormone positive breast cancers can recur even 10 + years later. rarely, triple negatives. we laughed about how in medical speak we use common words but give them the opposite meanings...such as "your test came back positive"...the lay person would think being positive is good...not so in medicine! or "your disease is progressing"...for most, progress is what one desires...not so in the disease world...progress is BAD.
we talked further about the new research showing that many triple negatives are actually hormone receptive. he told me that it is highly unlikely to be the case for me - (which is good news in the sense that i haven't been 'missing out' on taking a hormone suppressor which is only available for hormone receptive breast cancers). the reason he believes i am a true triple negative is that there were NO nodes involved and that the tumor grade was a high one - III (very poorly differentiated cells, meaning this was a rapidly growing, highly aggressive cancer). so, good news - i guess...though i would have liked to have had the option of a 5 year medication post treatment...
i will see Roberto two more times to reach my 5 year mark and then - i don't know what will be my follow-up, if any. i'll ask him next time.
he noted my complaints of continuing daily pain in the 'bad' breast. as he palpated it he said - "do you have an implant"? NO! "did you get a tram flap"? NO! " hmmmmmm", he said...i told him that what he was feeling - that rock hard and bumpy mass i lovingly call my 'breast' is the result of radiation and two plastic susrgeries. necrotic calcification is what he will write in his note.
he reminded me that i am nearly out of the DANGER zone...only one more year to reach that magic number 5!! for triple negatives recurrences tend to happen in the first 1 - 2 years. hormone positive breast cancers can recur even 10 + years later. rarely, triple negatives. we laughed about how in medical speak we use common words but give them the opposite meanings...such as "your test came back positive"...the lay person would think being positive is good...not so in medicine! or "your disease is progressing"...for most, progress is what one desires...not so in the disease world...progress is BAD.
we talked further about the new research showing that many triple negatives are actually hormone receptive. he told me that it is highly unlikely to be the case for me - (which is good news in the sense that i haven't been 'missing out' on taking a hormone suppressor which is only available for hormone receptive breast cancers). the reason he believes i am a true triple negative is that there were NO nodes involved and that the tumor grade was a high one - III (very poorly differentiated cells, meaning this was a rapidly growing, highly aggressive cancer). so, good news - i guess...though i would have liked to have had the option of a 5 year medication post treatment...
i will see Roberto two more times to reach my 5 year mark and then - i don't know what will be my follow-up, if any. i'll ask him next time.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
NEW YORK SAYS "I DO"!!
i am very proud of New York! and, equally ashamed that the issue of marriage equality has to be an "issue" at all!
spent 15 minutes looking at these photos and weeping...that's normal right? everyone cries at weddings!!
spent 15 minutes looking at these photos and weeping...that's normal right? everyone cries at weddings!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
c'mon...you've GOT to be kidding!
i got one of the phone calls at work that every home owner dreads...the bank called and left a message telling me that i needed to contact them re: my mortgage.
WHAT????
i have NEVER been late, EVER! i have my mortgage automatically deducted form my bank account every two weeks. always have since day one. i end up making 26 payments a year rather than 24 which puts me ahead in paying down my mortgage faster and reducing the interest paid over the life of the loan.
i was in such a panic that i forgot to write down the first three numbers of the phone number that i was supposed to call back on. after multiple false attempts i got it right (a miracle, actually) and ended up talking with a nice enough guy named Quentin. he tried to research the problem for me. this was made more complicated by the fact that i did not have the loan # with me or memorized! do you?
when i went online to see if i could get the account number, i learned that i could only access the last four digits of the account number. such a secure website that i, the homeowner can't access the number for my mortgage!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
turns out, after length research by Quentin, the my automatic payment was off by ONE penny!! ONE godDAMNED CENT. they were going to list this as a LATE payment. after Quentin got done listening to me he decided to waive the 'late' fee and agreed to take steps to ensure that this was not recorded anywhere as "late".
WHAT????
i have NEVER been late, EVER! i have my mortgage automatically deducted form my bank account every two weeks. always have since day one. i end up making 26 payments a year rather than 24 which puts me ahead in paying down my mortgage faster and reducing the interest paid over the life of the loan.
i was in such a panic that i forgot to write down the first three numbers of the phone number that i was supposed to call back on. after multiple false attempts i got it right (a miracle, actually) and ended up talking with a nice enough guy named Quentin. he tried to research the problem for me. this was made more complicated by the fact that i did not have the loan # with me or memorized! do you?
when i went online to see if i could get the account number, i learned that i could only access the last four digits of the account number. such a secure website that i, the homeowner can't access the number for my mortgage!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
turns out, after length research by Quentin, the my automatic payment was off by ONE penny!! ONE godDAMNED CENT. they were going to list this as a LATE payment. after Quentin got done listening to me he decided to waive the 'late' fee and agreed to take steps to ensure that this was not recorded anywhere as "late".
c'mon on people..does this seem right??
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
someone shoulda told me!
i am a regular online shopper. but, from time to time make a purchase that needs returning. given my full schedule i sometimes dread the thought and realities of repackaging tried on clothing that does not meet my expectations, fiddling around with the forms checking boxes about my reasons for return, taping it all up in a secure little package and trekking to my local UPS/FED EX store for shipment.
so - it a very nice feature when the store is a local one (Macy's for example) and i can simply swing by for a brief visit and return my articles - no muss, no fuss.
imagine my SHOCK and dismay when i planned a quick little visit to my local Coldwater Creek store in Sherman Oaks. i entered through Macy's, made a swift return of the two pairs of really hideous denim shorts i'd purchased online...the best is that one is able to conduct this transaction at ANY cash register...so right there in housewares i returned the hideous shorts. how did i know they has sequins on the butt?? i don't remember seeing that as i punched in my debit card number ( i am ashamed to say it - but i have that number memorized...ALL the digits included the CRV code!!)
next stop was Coldwater Creek. surprise - the store was NOT there! i mean the place where the store had been was still there, but the windows had this whitewash kind of stuff all over them so one could not see in and the sign was gone. maybe it moved to another place in the mall...so i toured the whole circuit (of course stopping now and then to make an 'impulse' purchase)...still NO Coldwater Creek. i had to lug all the returns back home and mailed them off on my way into work...what a freaking hassle.
i wonder why the nice folks at Coldwater Creek didn't bother to send me an email, postcard, or note by carrier pigeon telling me that they were pulling up stakes and closing their doors. i have spent lots and lots of money there over the years...one would think a simple notification would be the least they could provide for such a loyal customer...for shame, Coldwater Creek!!
so - it a very nice feature when the store is a local one (Macy's for example) and i can simply swing by for a brief visit and return my articles - no muss, no fuss.
imagine my SHOCK and dismay when i planned a quick little visit to my local Coldwater Creek store in Sherman Oaks. i entered through Macy's, made a swift return of the two pairs of really hideous denim shorts i'd purchased online...the best is that one is able to conduct this transaction at ANY cash register...so right there in housewares i returned the hideous shorts. how did i know they has sequins on the butt?? i don't remember seeing that as i punched in my debit card number ( i am ashamed to say it - but i have that number memorized...ALL the digits included the CRV code!!)
next stop was Coldwater Creek. surprise - the store was NOT there! i mean the place where the store had been was still there, but the windows had this whitewash kind of stuff all over them so one could not see in and the sign was gone. maybe it moved to another place in the mall...so i toured the whole circuit (of course stopping now and then to make an 'impulse' purchase)...still NO Coldwater Creek. i had to lug all the returns back home and mailed them off on my way into work...what a freaking hassle.
i wonder why the nice folks at Coldwater Creek didn't bother to send me an email, postcard, or note by carrier pigeon telling me that they were pulling up stakes and closing their doors. i have spent lots and lots of money there over the years...one would think a simple notification would be the least they could provide for such a loyal customer...for shame, Coldwater Creek!!
Monday, July 25, 2011
the 'dash' (-)
simple truths...
Live in the "Dash".... (-)
blessings today and every day...my heart is filled to overflowing with love and deep appreciation for life and all that it means...and that love is flowing to YOU!
MY message today:
listen deeply
be fully present
bear witness
MY message today:
listen deeply
be fully present
bear witness
Sunday, July 24, 2011
locked up tight
it is amazing the kinds of things we learn to live with or grow to tolerate in a home...that sticky window which won't open all the way, the finicky light switch you have to work just the right way, that dripping faucet or, in my case, those pesky locks to the front and back doors...to which i can't even find all the keys and even when i do...i don't know what key goes into which lock and there are EIGHT of them...
when i bought this house my friend and co-worker (also a locksmith on the side) installed new deadbolts for me, but felt the regular locks were fine.
right before my Mom came to live with me i had that crazy incident of the 'came to the house, but did not clean anything' housekeeper...to whom i had given my keys...and i hastily had to have one or some of the locks changed ASAP...by now i had so many keys and the locks were not well installed so i have put signs on the doors DO NOT LOCK...so that i don't get inadvertently locked out of my house by ME or someone else...
today i am biting the bullet (to the tune of several hundred dollars but for the highest quality locks and great workmanship) to get all new locks that will open with ONE key.
Freddie is very nice; a soft spoken young Armenian man who takes great pride in his work. i like him. he did not try to oversell me anything and i am so excited to have strong, shiny new, easy to use and perfectly installed new locks....i know, i know...i do find joy in little things.
why EIGHT locks in such a tiny house with only two doors?? well...i live in the city. I want security doors at both entrances so i can let the breeze in and have air circulating...and each of the four doors (security front and back and regular front and back) has a regular lock and a deadbolt lock.
i sometimes wonder if locks really deter thieves...at any rate...i slept very well last night with all my locks locked and was so pleased this morning that i could open them so easily...
when i bought this house my friend and co-worker (also a locksmith on the side) installed new deadbolts for me, but felt the regular locks were fine.
right before my Mom came to live with me i had that crazy incident of the 'came to the house, but did not clean anything' housekeeper...to whom i had given my keys...and i hastily had to have one or some of the locks changed ASAP...by now i had so many keys and the locks were not well installed so i have put signs on the doors DO NOT LOCK...so that i don't get inadvertently locked out of my house by ME or someone else...
today i am biting the bullet (to the tune of several hundred dollars but for the highest quality locks and great workmanship) to get all new locks that will open with ONE key.
Freddie is very nice; a soft spoken young Armenian man who takes great pride in his work. i like him. he did not try to oversell me anything and i am so excited to have strong, shiny new, easy to use and perfectly installed new locks....i know, i know...i do find joy in little things.
i sometimes wonder if locks really deter thieves...at any rate...i slept very well last night with all my locks locked and was so pleased this morning that i could open them so easily...
Saturday, July 23, 2011
gotta laugh sometimes
yesterday was stressful at work, then i faced the LONG commute home ( i dread and hate it more every day). got an upsetting phone call while on my drive. walked into the house to find that the puppy had destroyed a beautiful little bed i got for her and had lovingly placed in the dog house i bought and built for her...perhaps my error was hiding some 'treats' in the dog house to entice her to explore around in there...guess THAT worked!
my daughter called just as i was arriving home and was still frazzled to beyond...i tried talking with her, but i guess my 'phone voice' was too loud or whatever (i was damn frustrated and tired) so we couldn't really have a nice chat...so, today...i am trying to stay on a positive note...i found this on a website (breastcancer.org) that i used to frequent in 2007.
i laughed out loud...hope you do too!
my daughter called just as i was arriving home and was still frazzled to beyond...i tried talking with her, but i guess my 'phone voice' was too loud or whatever (i was damn frustrated and tired) so we couldn't really have a nice chat...so, today...i am trying to stay on a positive note...i found this on a website (breastcancer.org) that i used to frequent in 2007.
i laughed out loud...hope you do too!
Friday, July 22, 2011
doggie love
i love my dogs. i love them so much that i feel guilty that i am away from them for such long stretches of time when i am at work. i had pretty much figured that Matilda was adjusted to the schedule after so many years and she seemed to do fine. i think she spends much of her 'alone' time sunbathing if i can judge by the tan she has on her belly!!
but with the addition of sweet and o so lively Miss Charlie...things have changed. Charlie is a high energy pup. she has pretty much settled down in terms of the 'destroy everything in sight' patio behavior. i had to remove the doggie door which allowed the pups access in and out of the house as was their druthers throughout the day because Charlie chooses (it seems) to beleive that 'inside' is a preferable bathroom to 'outside'.
Charlie has not learned to walk properly on the leash. this is NOT her fault, but mine. i don't have the energy to take each dog for a separate walk so Charlie just lunges along and try to correct her as best i can with Matilda's helpful interference.
so i decided to explore the world of dog-walkers. WOW - what an eye opener!! there is actually a husband/wife team who brings 20 - 30 dogs to the Mulholland Dog Park each weekday. how on earth do they supervise that many dogs? i talked at length with them and decided that it was not a comfortable (or safe) choice for my doggies. when i shared my concern they promptly told me that i was not in their 'service area' anyway!! seriously - their office is 5 minutes from my house!!
i interviewed two other people/companies and still did not feel right about them. i had almost abandoned the idea when i found "Dogercise" online. they looked too good to be true. NOT!!! they are true AND good and i met sweet Bethany she came to my house last evening. first impression - she is smart...she found my house which is not an easy task in an of itself. i loved her energy. i loved how she interacted with the dogs. i loved that she made me feel completely at ease.
so...we struck a deal. beginning on Friday my sweeties will get a 30 minute, mid-day walk with the "Dogercise" folks. it is a stretch for me financially...but i will go to the movies a few less times each month and may save some money by not buying lots and lots of new dog toys...which i've been getting a lot of in order to help with Charlie's boredom.
but with the addition of sweet and o so lively Miss Charlie...things have changed. Charlie is a high energy pup. she has pretty much settled down in terms of the 'destroy everything in sight' patio behavior. i had to remove the doggie door which allowed the pups access in and out of the house as was their druthers throughout the day because Charlie chooses (it seems) to beleive that 'inside' is a preferable bathroom to 'outside'.
Charlie has not learned to walk properly on the leash. this is NOT her fault, but mine. i don't have the energy to take each dog for a separate walk so Charlie just lunges along and try to correct her as best i can with Matilda's helpful interference.
so i decided to explore the world of dog-walkers. WOW - what an eye opener!! there is actually a husband/wife team who brings 20 - 30 dogs to the Mulholland Dog Park each weekday. how on earth do they supervise that many dogs? i talked at length with them and decided that it was not a comfortable (or safe) choice for my doggies. when i shared my concern they promptly told me that i was not in their 'service area' anyway!! seriously - their office is 5 minutes from my house!!
i interviewed two other people/companies and still did not feel right about them. i had almost abandoned the idea when i found "Dogercise" online. they looked too good to be true. NOT!!! they are true AND good and i met sweet Bethany she came to my house last evening. first impression - she is smart...she found my house which is not an easy task in an of itself. i loved her energy. i loved how she interacted with the dogs. i loved that she made me feel completely at ease.
 |
| Bethany and one of her admirer's!! |
Thursday, July 21, 2011
only the dreamer knows...
when i was in training as a psychotherapist (one might well wonder at the term PSYCHO THERAPIST!!...) i was drawn mostly to the Jungian school of thought. dream interpretation was a major part of the education. the concept is...during the dream state the unconscious is truly 'in charge'...truths are revealed during the dreaming phase of our day (night!)...insight may be gained about life and decisions to be made or that have been made and ONLY the dreamer truly knows what the dream images mean.
for years i kept a dream journal and during my private practice years used dream interpretation as a regular intervention with my clients.
the other night i had a vivid dream that awakened me and disturbed me throughout the day. any/all insights and interpretations welcome:
i was driving a car at nighttime. i had on sunglasses so it was hard to see the road. i noticed that i had neglected to turn on the lights. i had both dogs with me in the car and they were jumping all around. i had also had enjoyed a vodka tonic or two.
i looked in the rear view mirror and noticed a police car behind me signalling me to pull over. as i pulled over i realized that i did not have my seat belt on.
i was frantically trying to figure out a 'story' to explain all of this to the cop. as i rolled down the window scrabbling in my brain for some reasonable explanation for my ridiculously risky behaviors...i saw the police car put its lights and siren back on and do a huge u-turn speeding off in the opposite direction...
for years i kept a dream journal and during my private practice years used dream interpretation as a regular intervention with my clients.
the other night i had a vivid dream that awakened me and disturbed me throughout the day. any/all insights and interpretations welcome:
i was driving a car at nighttime. i had on sunglasses so it was hard to see the road. i noticed that i had neglected to turn on the lights. i had both dogs with me in the car and they were jumping all around. i had also had enjoyed a vodka tonic or two.
i looked in the rear view mirror and noticed a police car behind me signalling me to pull over. as i pulled over i realized that i did not have my seat belt on.
i was frantically trying to figure out a 'story' to explain all of this to the cop. as i rolled down the window scrabbling in my brain for some reasonable explanation for my ridiculously risky behaviors...i saw the police car put its lights and siren back on and do a huge u-turn speeding off in the opposite direction...
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
wisdom and healing
my darling daughter had her wisdom teeth out on Friday...all FOUR at once! i still have all my wisdom teeth so i can only imagine how awful this experience must be. i clearly remember when Nat had his removed. he was away at boarding school and came home for the long weekend. it was not pleasant.
Jordan reports that she was awake during the procedure and was trying to tell them that she could hear and feel everything. how very scary. i really wanted to hop on a plane and do the Mommy thing; but she is a grown-up, after all, and has a lovely girlfriend who is a very attentive caregiver. having just spent three days at a conference addressing the stress and strain of family caregivers who have ill loved ones...i also worried about Meredith!
no need to worry about either it turns out...Meredith did a super duper job and even kept me informed with updates throughout the first 48 hours which i REALLY appreciated. Jordan blogged about Meredith's loving caregiving today...this is what Jordan wrote on HER blog...
so Jordan is on the mend and able to return to work tomorrow (one day later than anticipated). these girls are truly awesome (i know i'm biased) but they ARE awesome...sweet, funny, very smart and so loving.
Jordan reports that she was awake during the procedure and was trying to tell them that she could hear and feel everything. how very scary. i really wanted to hop on a plane and do the Mommy thing; but she is a grown-up, after all, and has a lovely girlfriend who is a very attentive caregiver. having just spent three days at a conference addressing the stress and strain of family caregivers who have ill loved ones...i also worried about Meredith!
no need to worry about either it turns out...Meredith did a super duper job and even kept me informed with updates throughout the first 48 hours which i REALLY appreciated. Jordan blogged about Meredith's loving caregiving today...this is what Jordan wrote on HER blog...
so Jordan is on the mend and able to return to work tomorrow (one day later than anticipated). these girls are truly awesome (i know i'm biased) but they ARE awesome...sweet, funny, very smart and so loving.
M & J
Monday, July 18, 2011
Studio City Farmer's Market
One red pepper, one green pepper
Two yellow onions
Bunch of scallions
Four Persian cucumbers
Two heirloom tomatoes
Six 'big boy' tomatoes
One pound mixed cherry tomatoes (red and yellow)
One pound spicy mesclun mix
One bunch field sprouts(?)
Eight figs
One box button mushrooms
Three ears Silver Queen corn
One head iceberg lettuce
One pound fingerling potatoes
Three Haas avocados
Three limes
Four plums
Three nectarines
Two peaches (white)
One box raspberries
One box blueberries
One box blackberries
One pound pistachios
One half pound almonds
One watermelon
One head broccoli
One bunch asparagus
One pound green beans
Beautiful bunch of basil
No chips. No candy. No pretzels. No sour cream. No onion soupmix. No bread. No paper products. Nothing pre-packaged. Nothing with chemicals, additives, ingredients I can't pronounce. No paper or plastic bags.
Pure and simple...Life is good.
Two yellow onions
Bunch of scallions
Four Persian cucumbers
Two heirloom tomatoes
Six 'big boy' tomatoes
One pound mixed cherry tomatoes (red and yellow)
One pound spicy mesclun mix
One bunch field sprouts(?)
Eight figs
One box button mushrooms
Three ears Silver Queen corn
One head iceberg lettuce
One pound fingerling potatoes
Three Haas avocados
Three limes
Four plums
Three nectarines
Two peaches (white)
One box raspberries
One box blueberries
One box blackberries
One pound pistachios
One half pound almonds
One watermelon
One head broccoli
One bunch asparagus
One pound green beans
Beautiful bunch of basil
No chips. No candy. No pretzels. No sour cream. No onion soupmix. No bread. No paper products. Nothing pre-packaged. Nothing with chemicals, additives, ingredients I can't pronounce. No paper or plastic bags.
Pure and simple...Life is good.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
an ironic interlude
last week i spent three days at the "Happiest Place on Earth" - yup, Disneyland. i stayed at the very, very nice Paradise Pier Hotel.
i was there for a three day conference sponsored by NCI (National Cancer Institute) and City of Hope. 50 teams from across the country were invited to participate in a huge multi-system, multi-year research project focused on family caregivers of those with cancer. this was quite a select group! i found it more than a bit disconcerting to be intensely focused on death, suffering, pain and cancer while surrounded by the glory of tourism in its extreme.
the initial research findings seem rather obvious (duh...doesn't everyone KNOW that!!) to me: family members who are caring for their loved ones with cancer get more sick, more depressed, more divorced, more (everything bad) than their cohorts who are NOT caring for a loved one with cancer...mmmmmhmmmmm...coulda told ya that without the gazillion bucks being spent to PROVE it.
(there are many reasons that i am a clinician and NOT a researcher).
that being said, it was really an honor to gather for three days with the top notch researchers in the country to hear about their findings and to get our "mandate" for the next three years. each team will be involved in three projects at their own site addressing the needs of family caregivers of those with cancer. it was also very, very nice to spend some 'away from work' time with my nurse partner. her sweet husband joined us for the last night of the conference and we had a blast sharing dinner at the House of Blues.
it was such an odd and disconcerting juxtaposition to sit in a huge ballroom for 4-5 hours each day getting literally bombarded, immersed and overwhelmed with data about ALL this bad stuff and then, during break times, to walk into the halls of this major tourist attraction and see happy, smiling faces of kids and parents with Disney outfits, Disney bags, Disney memorabilia...EVERYWHERE...
what WILL they do with all that Mickey, Goofy and Tinkerbell stuff when they get home to Iowa or North Dakota or Arkansas??
as i pondered this, struck dumb and collapsed on the hallway banquette during a fifteen minute break, clutching a glass of ice tea and watching the Disney - glazed families all around me...which one of YOU will get cancer or care for someone who has cancer?
{side note: i did find it a tad reassuring to have data reinforce the reality that my post-cancer diagnosis, relationship-leaving life (ahem!) partner was 100% statistically supported!! weird where we sometimes find comfort.}
after the conference i treated myself to a luxurious Balinese massage...but more on that in a later post.
as always, in these meetings, there were at least 20 women to each man...and as a result, the women have to stand in interminable lines for the facilities during break time, while the men go in, finish up, leave and THEIR restroom sits idle. our brilliant conference organizers realized this, in advance, and had the foresight to create a solution....we 'took over' the men's bathroom...
view from my room on the 13th floor...
i was there for a three day conference sponsored by NCI (National Cancer Institute) and City of Hope. 50 teams from across the country were invited to participate in a huge multi-system, multi-year research project focused on family caregivers of those with cancer. this was quite a select group! i found it more than a bit disconcerting to be intensely focused on death, suffering, pain and cancer while surrounded by the glory of tourism in its extreme.
the initial research findings seem rather obvious (duh...doesn't everyone KNOW that!!) to me: family members who are caring for their loved ones with cancer get more sick, more depressed, more divorced, more (everything bad) than their cohorts who are NOT caring for a loved one with cancer...mmmmmhmmmmm...coulda told ya that without the gazillion bucks being spent to PROVE it.
(there are many reasons that i am a clinician and NOT a researcher).
that being said, it was really an honor to gather for three days with the top notch researchers in the country to hear about their findings and to get our "mandate" for the next three years. each team will be involved in three projects at their own site addressing the needs of family caregivers of those with cancer. it was also very, very nice to spend some 'away from work' time with my nurse partner. her sweet husband joined us for the last night of the conference and we had a blast sharing dinner at the House of Blues.
Janet and Mark
it was such an odd and disconcerting juxtaposition to sit in a huge ballroom for 4-5 hours each day getting literally bombarded, immersed and overwhelmed with data about ALL this bad stuff and then, during break times, to walk into the halls of this major tourist attraction and see happy, smiling faces of kids and parents with Disney outfits, Disney bags, Disney memorabilia...EVERYWHERE...
what WILL they do with all that Mickey, Goofy and Tinkerbell stuff when they get home to Iowa or North Dakota or Arkansas??
as i pondered this, struck dumb and collapsed on the hallway banquette during a fifteen minute break, clutching a glass of ice tea and watching the Disney - glazed families all around me...which one of YOU will get cancer or care for someone who has cancer?
{side note: i did find it a tad reassuring to have data reinforce the reality that my post-cancer diagnosis, relationship-leaving life (ahem!) partner was 100% statistically supported!! weird where we sometimes find comfort.}
after the conference i treated myself to a luxurious Balinese massage...but more on that in a later post.
as always, in these meetings, there were at least 20 women to each man...and as a result, the women have to stand in interminable lines for the facilities during break time, while the men go in, finish up, leave and THEIR restroom sits idle. our brilliant conference organizers realized this, in advance, and had the foresight to create a solution....we 'took over' the men's bathroom...
tee hee!!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
...with liberty and justice for all (sorta)
thanks to my 22 y/o son, who swears he did not get the first summons in the mail, i spent most of yesterday in the halls of justice (AKA - Los Angeles Superior Court). what an experience.
we arrived early - i like to be early; mostly so i don't stress when i get lost en route...notice i said WHEN i get lost; not IF!!
i dropped off Nat in front of the building while i found parking. the line for him to stand in, to gain entrance to the courthouse, was already 30+ people long. i found the parking garage. paid my $8 and hurried back to join him just 10 people ahead of us now.
my purse got xrayed- -"thank you; no signs of cancer??" (!) NB: do NOT try to use humor with the brainless 'guards'... they left their sense of humor at home i guess!
we found our way to the fourth floor where there was another very long line in front of court #64 which is where we were to report. as we looked around at the others in line we texted each other funny comments like "this is a jury of our peers?"; "what about the crazy lady with the purple fingernails that are easily 3 inches long??" we were nervous. at one point Nat wondered aloud if he might really have to go to jail. i reassured him (as only a loving mother can) that i would bake him a cake with a file in it if it came to that!! he left HIS sense of humor at home too, i guess.
we made our way into the courtroom. not nearly as nice as all the TV ones. the sheriff directed us to our seats. don't leave any space between seats even if the person next to you is 400 lbs and smells awful or the person on the other side of you is stick thin, jittery and needs more meth NOW!
Nat and i did not get to sit near one another. the sheriff went through this weird selection, organizing thing and called certain people to the other side of the courtroom, including Nat. we were told no more texting...well..he didn't tell JUST us...he told everyone to turn off their cell phone. the next 90 minutes consisted of the sheriff looking at each person's paperwork, asking questions, rearranging where they sat, etc. Nat was worried because he had to relinquish his driver's license and thought he might not get it back. he did.
the sheriff told all the monolingual Spanish speakers (in English) to sit on the left side of the court in the front row. among the four of them they figured out what to do...i whispered to them, in Spanish, what the sheriff had said. the interpreter came a bit later. the guy in back of me who was whispering loudly to me that he should NOT have to pay $600 just because the police said he didn't stop at a stop sign, also told me he needed a Korean interpreter. i told the sheriff who looked at me somewhat dubiously...he had caught my earlier Spanish whispering. i can only say hello, thank you and 'cheers' in Korean. the Korean interpreter came but she couldn't seem to find the one and only Asian in the room (other than herself) so she left. i decided to let the wheels of justice roll on without the helpful intervention of social worker Holly.
she came back eventually and found the Korean man behind me who was, by the way, completely fluent in English...though i had to wonder later on when he pleaded NOT GUILTY even though he told ME he had NOT stopped at the stop sign.
people kept arriving and i wondered why they didn't obey the strict and clear instructions on the summons to BE ON TIME!! several lawyers came in. they were immediately identifiable because they a.) wore suits; b.) had bulging brief cases; c.) sat up front on the other side of the rail; d.) looked bored rather than nervous or high(!)
Nat was one of three white men among the non-law enforcement people in the room. there were NO white women!!
prior to the entrance of the Honorable William C. Beverly into the courtroom we listened to a 20 minute tape recorded instruction about what was to happen and the difference between GUILTY, NOT GUILTY AND NO CONTEST.
the judge arrived, we stood and the he proceded to 'instruct' us for 35 minutes! he told everyone to pay attention, stay in line, listen carefully, have your documentation in your hand and if you had a plastic card proving you were on state aid - it must be held a certain way so he could see it. (now - the guy did wear glasses, was about 60+ y/o and sat about 10 feet from where the 'defendant' would stand at the podium to be addressed by him...no way in hell he could see any details if they were holding a state aid card. it could be a Ralph's Discount card or medical marijuana card!!) seriously.
he yelled at a lady to stop combing her hair. he told another man to pay attention. he lectured us on and on about how NOT to argue with him or the cashier. if we argued with the cashier he would bring us back into the courtroom and make us wait all day (they close at 5:30) and then add more fines to our punishment. he talked about community service and how one could qualify to request that. he talked about fines and fees and the differences between those assessments. he talked about not caring if we had no jobs or no money...we had to pay and if we didn't he would see us back in his courtroom for more dire lecturing and more fines and fees.
at first i was horrified by his style and pedantic approach. then i felt sorry for him that this was probably the height of his career achievement - traffic court! his mother might have expected the Supreme Court or something when her son told her he was going to law school..Nope! traffic court in LA...WOW!!
so - final story. Nat conducted himself like a gentleman. he was respectful and spoke up clearly when questioned by the judge. he pleaded NO CONTEST ( i wanted him to say "no lo contendere"...but thought the judge might also have left HIS sense of humor at home). the fine was reduced from $851.00 to $35.00 (that was the punishment part). however, with the "fees" the total amount he had to pay was $270.00. he decided to postpone buying that new pair of jeans he had been hoping for...once again...i am proud of this boy!
ADDENDUM: seems this judge's mother had many reasons to be proud of her son. it also appears that he retired some time ago...so perhaps his service as a traffic court judge is simply that - service.
i am proud of YOU Judge Beverly!!
Thursday, August 7, 2003
Retired Los Angeles Superior Court Judge William C. Beverly Jr. has joined JAMS as an arbitrator and mediator, the nation’s largest alternate dispute resolution provider said yesterday.
“Judge Beverly has a reputation for being fair, thoughtful and deliberate in his decision making, all of which are characteristics of a great neutral,” JAMS Vice President Larry Gennaro said in a statement. “We are honored to have William Beverly, a distinguished member of the community, join JAMS’ panel of resolution experts.”
Beverly retired Aug. 3. He told the METNEWS in June that he intends to be heavily involved in a project studying the history of the City of Los Angeles, with particular emphasis on the contributions of minority groups.
He added at the time that he expected to be involved in private judging, but declined to be more specific, saying it would be improper to do so while still on the bench.
Beverly was a judge for more than 23 years, including the last 18 years on the Superior Court. JAMS noted that he had presided over a wide range of court and jury trials in addition to mediation and settlement conferences, including commercial litigation, insurance coverage, employment, medical and legal malpractice, construction, governmental and election disputes, environmental and probate matters.
His last assignment was as presiding judge of the Appellate Division.
“Throughout my career I have been involved in resolving a variety of civil matters and have enjoyed participating in mediations and settlement conferences,” Beverly said in a release. “Joining JAMS will provide an exciting opportunity to use ADR to bring parties together to solve problems in a common sense, efficient way.”
Beverly is a 1965 graduate of Pepperdine University. He was a Los Angeles County social worker while attending Southwestern University School of Law, from which he earned his degree in 1969.
He practiced in Hollywood for three years before forming a Long Beach firm with several other lawyers, including the late Everett Ricks Jr., who also became a Superior Court judge. He was also a member of the Los Angeles County Human Relations Commission and served as its vice president prior to being named to the Long Beach Municipal Court by then-Gov. Jerry Brown in 1980.
He was elevated to the Superior Court by then-Gov. George Deukmejian in 1985.
He served as supervising judge in Torrance in 1994 and 1995 before transferring to a civil assignment in downtown Los Angeles, which he held until he began his Appellate Division service in 1999. He was named presiding judge in August 2000 following the elevation of Kathryn Doi Todd to the Court of Appeal.
He received Southwestern’s Outstanding Judicial Officer Award in 1996.
Beverly has also taught at California State University-Dominguez Hills, California State University-Long Beach and at the California Judicial College. He has been an MCLE lecturer and California Judges Association panelist and served on the CJA Executive Board from 1983 to 1985.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
mosquitoes and mindfulness
i have a daily meditation practice that helps keep me somewhat balanced in
mind/spirit/body. that time (20 - 30 min) each morning is like a little escape to some private though really, really connected space in the universe.
meditation did not come easily to me at first; and is still a struggle at times. but i love it. i sit in my little (bright green) studio (formerly known as Jordan's room) where my creative self (knitting and jewelry making) flourishes. i love the Jordan energy that infuses the room. it is also my meditation location of choice.
the last few mornings (well, really few weeks) have proved especially challenging. i have not felt well...vague fevers, coughs, GI distress, lethargy and headaches have been my constant companions. i think it is grief being manifest organically in my body.
after sprucing up my patio space (with Jordan's help over Memorial Day weekends) i have been really enjoying time outside. a blogging friend (Master Gardener Sue) suggested adding color with some geraniums and it has been very, very nice. the down side? MOSQUITOES.
i have citronella candles all over (that's tricky though because i have to remember to take them inside otherwise they melt during the hot, hot days). i have expensive (Hammacher Schlemmer) bug 'UV' lights. i have DEET. and i have at least 50 bites!!
so my morning meditation has become VERY hard...i can't stopping scratching these god awful bites. there seem to be different kinds of bites...some blister, others are like tiny little bumps...it's hard to describe, but i am in agony.
usually i light a vanilla or lavender or cinnamon scented candle and breathe that sweetened air while i settle into my in/out...in/out awareness. this morning i tried lighting a citronella candle...(the mosquitoes are INSIDE the house too!!)
sigh...mind over matter is no easy task and mind over mosquito bite seems quite beyond me.
this is the first summer in LA that i have experienced so many mosquitoes. thank goodness i cancelled my trip to Costa Rica - i would, surely, have contracted Malaria and/or Dengue Fever!!
can it please be winter soon??
mind/spirit/body. that time (20 - 30 min) each morning is like a little escape to some private though really, really connected space in the universe.
meditation did not come easily to me at first; and is still a struggle at times. but i love it. i sit in my little (bright green) studio (formerly known as Jordan's room) where my creative self (knitting and jewelry making) flourishes. i love the Jordan energy that infuses the room. it is also my meditation location of choice.
the last few mornings (well, really few weeks) have proved especially challenging. i have not felt well...vague fevers, coughs, GI distress, lethargy and headaches have been my constant companions. i think it is grief being manifest organically in my body.
after sprucing up my patio space (with Jordan's help over Memorial Day weekends) i have been really enjoying time outside. a blogging friend (Master Gardener Sue) suggested adding color with some geraniums and it has been very, very nice. the down side? MOSQUITOES.
i have citronella candles all over (that's tricky though because i have to remember to take them inside otherwise they melt during the hot, hot days). i have expensive (Hammacher Schlemmer) bug 'UV' lights. i have DEET. and i have at least 50 bites!!
so my morning meditation has become VERY hard...i can't stopping scratching these god awful bites. there seem to be different kinds of bites...some blister, others are like tiny little bumps...it's hard to describe, but i am in agony.
usually i light a vanilla or lavender or cinnamon scented candle and breathe that sweetened air while i settle into my in/out...in/out awareness. this morning i tried lighting a citronella candle...(the mosquitoes are INSIDE the house too!!)
sigh...mind over matter is no easy task and mind over mosquito bite seems quite beyond me.
this is the first summer in LA that i have experienced so many mosquitoes. thank goodness i cancelled my trip to Costa Rica - i would, surely, have contracted Malaria and/or Dengue Fever!!
can it please be winter soon??
Saturday, July 9, 2011
5.6 BABY!!
Here's the '411' on A1c...Glycohemoglobin is a blood test that checks the amount of sugar (glucose) bound to hemoglobin. Normally, only a small percentage of hemoglobin in the blood (4% to 6%) has glucose bound to it. People who have diabetes or other conditions that increase their blood glucose levels have more glycohemoglobin than normal.
The glycohemoglobin A1c is used to diagnose diabetes. The glycohemoglobin A1c test checks the long-term control of blood glucose levels in people with diabetes. Most doctors think the glycohemoglobin A1c level is the best way to check how well a person is controlling his or her diabetes.
A home blood glucose test measures the level of blood glucose only at that moment. Blood glucose levels change during the day because of diet, exercise, and the level of insulin in the blood.
It is useful for a person who has diabetes to have information about the long-term control of blood sugar levels. The glycohemoglobin test is one blood sample every 3 to 4 months, and the test does not change with any recent changes in diet, exercise, or medicines.
Glucose binds to hemoglobin in red blood cells at a steady rate. Since red blood cells last 3 to 4 months, the glycohemoglobin A1c test shows how much glucose is in the plasma part of blood. This test shows how well your diabetes has been controlled in the last 2 to 3 months and whether your diabetes medicine needs to be changed.
The A1c level can also help your doctor see how big your risk is of developing problems from diabetes, such as kidney failure, vision problems, and leg or foot numbness.
The lower your A1c level, the lower your chance for problems.
I was diagnosed with type II Diabetes in December of last year. I was shocked and frightened...My A1c was 7.0...not bad; not really good either. I got VERY serious about my diet and exercise regimen. Mostly out of sheer terror of developing complications from this disease. One month later my A1c was 6.4...not bad; but still too high. Yesterday I had some follow-up blood work done. My A1c is (drum roll please!!) 5.6!!!! Totally NORMAL! I am NORMAL! YAY for NORMAL!!
I am so happy today and I'm going to have a great big bowl of salad to celebrate!!
The glycohemoglobin A1c is used to diagnose diabetes. The glycohemoglobin A1c test checks the long-term control of blood glucose levels in people with diabetes. Most doctors think the glycohemoglobin A1c level is the best way to check how well a person is controlling his or her diabetes.
A home blood glucose test measures the level of blood glucose only at that moment. Blood glucose levels change during the day because of diet, exercise, and the level of insulin in the blood.
It is useful for a person who has diabetes to have information about the long-term control of blood sugar levels. The glycohemoglobin test is one blood sample every 3 to 4 months, and the test does not change with any recent changes in diet, exercise, or medicines.
Glucose binds to hemoglobin in red blood cells at a steady rate. Since red blood cells last 3 to 4 months, the glycohemoglobin A1c test shows how much glucose is in the plasma part of blood. This test shows how well your diabetes has been controlled in the last 2 to 3 months and whether your diabetes medicine needs to be changed.
The A1c level can also help your doctor see how big your risk is of developing problems from diabetes, such as kidney failure, vision problems, and leg or foot numbness.
The lower your A1c level, the lower your chance for problems.
I was diagnosed with type II Diabetes in December of last year. I was shocked and frightened...My A1c was 7.0...not bad; not really good either. I got VERY serious about my diet and exercise regimen. Mostly out of sheer terror of developing complications from this disease. One month later my A1c was 6.4...not bad; but still too high. Yesterday I had some follow-up blood work done. My A1c is (drum roll please!!) 5.6!!!! Totally NORMAL! I am NORMAL! YAY for NORMAL!!
I am so happy today and I'm going to have a great big bowl of salad to celebrate!!
Friday, July 8, 2011
DJ turns ten!!
Yesterday was my nephew's birthday! It was his very first "double digit" birthday...10 years ago he became part of our family and he is an awesome guy! He is sweet, a gifted athlete and reminds me SO much of his dad at that age!!
When I called to convey birthday wishes to him yesterday (he lives in Maryland) he answered the phone sounding very grown-up. He told me all about the plan for the family to gather at Texas Steakhouse (?) for his birthday dinner. (No, Auntie Holly...I won't be having ribs. No I won't have a steak. Auntie Holly - I'll have a cheeseburger!!)
He said his mom would be bringing the cake!
He said his mom would be bringing the cake!
Seemingly, without any prompting, he thanked me for the Amazon Gift Card! I am so proud of DJ - he's had some challenges (don't we all?) and he's growing into a wonderful young man. I wish we lived closer so I could spend more time with him.
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| DJ chowing down on a turkey leg!! |
I'm also really proud of DJ's dad - my baby brother, David. David is the kind of dad every kid wants - fun, involved, but also strict when the situation warrants it...AND he's a phenomenal cook!! David didn't have much of a role model about how to be a good dad so I am so happy to see him thriving in this role.
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| DJ and Auntie Holly "chillaxing" last Thanksgiving!l |
Thursday, July 7, 2011
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
i wish i could get the 'doggie' action at my house on video...the pups are just the cutest! they love the rope toys with knots on them. they each get a side and tug back and forth growling at each other in a friendly way.
i need to focus some serious training time with Charlie though...she does NOT know how to walk politely on a leash. poor Matilda (who is wispy compared with muscular Charlie) gets dragged hither and yon. i have to be on guard and 'protect' Matilda when she is trying to poo because Charlie is oblivious and runs all around her and gets her tangled up in their leashes. Matilda gets pulled along by the mischievous and rambunctious puppy and can hardly get a minute to 'take care of business'. Matilda seems very resigned to this kind of behavior. she is still 'top dog' when it comes to bones however. Matilda guards her bones fiercely and Charlie (mostly) respects that.
Charlie LOVES to play in water. everyday i give her an ice cube which she scoots around the kitchen floor and chases after until it is just a melted little pool of water. she sits and looks confusedly at the puddle wondering where her fun and crunchy toy went. she loves to splash in the water bowl and prances around with her paws making quite a mess. this is why i think she is a MINI-yellow Lab!
i recently ordered some new dog toys that you can freeze. i think the girls will have fun with them on the blazing hot afternoons in the San Fernando Valley.
okay...stop whispering about me...you can say it out loud...Holly is a CRAZY DOG LADY! (and damn proud of it!!)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
dogs days of summer
yesterday it was 106 at my house. HOT, way TOO hot for this early in the season. usually September is the hottest month...hot would have been fine, or at least 'manageable' i guess...but when combined with a nasty GI bug...it was all too much yesterday. of course the lingering cough from the respiratory flu that i've just BARELY recovered from made controlling some of the more unpleasant GI 'symptoms' a challenge!! ( i know, i know...WAY too much info, sorry.)
i could barely keep anything down. sipping hot Lipton's chicken noodle soup was very unappealing as i peeled myself off the sticky leather couch to prepare another small cup for myself.
i have never been a very good 'sick' person. i quickly slide into depression and despair. ALL, and i mean ALL of life's worries and fears rise rapidly in me and threaten to consume me.
i will die in this townhouse, on the floor of the bathroom, hot and dehydrated with the dogs scampering about and destroying the chew toys i've just brought home; my life will have been for nought; the air conditioner unit will burn out and there will be NO ONE to call to fix it and i will suffer through this heat all weekend; why am i alone?; i miss my kids; why did my mom die?; Carol?; why did i have to get breast cancer?; why am i alone?; what will become of me?; do i really have any friends?; why am i sick?
...these are the thoughts marching relentlessly through my poor self when i am down with a one bug or another. i haven't always been this way...but since the "cancerfest" (as one sister blogger calls it) experience - things have shifted.
i knew i was in a bad way when i realized i was crying during the show Rocco's Kitchen - you know that one - another of the chef competition shows...i cried for chef who got eliminated i cried for the chef who won. ugh...i cried reading a friend's email. i cried reading and writing FB entries. i cried when Nat called me. i cried when Jordan didn't.
total and utter nonsense! everyone gets sick. this flu bug and the last one too - are not fatal; besides...i just updated my Advance Directive so i'm all set...oops...is the bank open? are lawyers available?...i have NOT completed getting my financial affairs (such as they are) in order to make life easier for my kidlings...
today...i am feeling a tad better but i've only been awake for an hour or so and haven't tried my stomach out yet. yesterday - i found a four year old bottle of zofran - the wonderful anti-emetic medication that was prescribed during chemo. i took one - hell, i figured - even if it only had half it's original strength - it should do the trick. it helped immensely.
this is what the dogs and i looked liked yesterday...
i could barely keep anything down. sipping hot Lipton's chicken noodle soup was very unappealing as i peeled myself off the sticky leather couch to prepare another small cup for myself.
i have never been a very good 'sick' person. i quickly slide into depression and despair. ALL, and i mean ALL of life's worries and fears rise rapidly in me and threaten to consume me.
i will die in this townhouse, on the floor of the bathroom, hot and dehydrated with the dogs scampering about and destroying the chew toys i've just brought home; my life will have been for nought; the air conditioner unit will burn out and there will be NO ONE to call to fix it and i will suffer through this heat all weekend; why am i alone?; i miss my kids; why did my mom die?; Carol?; why did i have to get breast cancer?; why am i alone?; what will become of me?; do i really have any friends?; why am i sick?
...these are the thoughts marching relentlessly through my poor self when i am down with a one bug or another. i haven't always been this way...but since the "cancerfest" (as one sister blogger calls it) experience - things have shifted.
i knew i was in a bad way when i realized i was crying during the show Rocco's Kitchen - you know that one - another of the chef competition shows...i cried for chef who got eliminated i cried for the chef who won. ugh...i cried reading a friend's email. i cried reading and writing FB entries. i cried when Nat called me. i cried when Jordan didn't.
total and utter nonsense! everyone gets sick. this flu bug and the last one too - are not fatal; besides...i just updated my Advance Directive so i'm all set...oops...is the bank open? are lawyers available?...i have NOT completed getting my financial affairs (such as they are) in order to make life easier for my kidlings...
today...i am feeling a tad better but i've only been awake for an hour or so and haven't tried my stomach out yet. yesterday - i found a four year old bottle of zofran - the wonderful anti-emetic medication that was prescribed during chemo. i took one - hell, i figured - even if it only had half it's original strength - it should do the trick. it helped immensely.
this is what the dogs and i looked liked yesterday...
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| Puppy Charlie "tries" to get comfy! |
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| Miss Matilda still loves her blankie in 106 degree weather! |
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