weekends were made for this!

What a great and relaxing weekend...a quiet Friday night to recuperate from a busy work week, followed by a productive Saturday morning of the necessary household chores and then a great afternoon getting my haircut and colored - a new lease on life!!

Sunday brought a self-indulgent 1/2 day at Aveda getting pampered and then jewelry design in the evening at my home studio (tee hee...my dining room table!). I was supposed to share the jewelry design time with Carol, but the beginning symptoms of a cold started to surface and I did not want to expose her...but Nat came over that evening and we enjoyed our usual pizza and Simpson's!

Sometimes - life is just good.

babes, blues, brochette and ???

Last night was SO much fun! I can't remember the last time I went out on a "school" night and I certainly paid the price today as the Administrator at my hospital asked me this afternoon around 2pm why I was so tired??? Becky and I met at Cafe Cordiale on Ventura and feasted on delectable chicken satay appetizers then settled down to our various 'beefs'...I had filet brochette which was 'melt in your mouth' and the Beckster enjoyed a flank steak. We skipped dessert but got our calories through some wonderful wine we sipped...then...several of the Breast Friends Gang came along and we rocked to Tapia's music. I am so proud of her for getting out there, having the "ahem ...you know what's" to stand up and sing in front of a crowd and she was GREAT. It was all I could do NOT to get up and tell the other diners to SHUT the F UP cause my bud was up there crooning...it was a lovely evening. Tapia has been through so much and I found it terribly healing to listen to her songs about love and being jilted and other stuff...I missed Carol (cause she was planning to come, but had a sore throat), though I trust there will be other venues where Tapia will perform...and by the way...between us...her new beau...is sweet, funny and awfully cute!!

Rock On Tapia!!

did you hear the one about...

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE


Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men & 1 woman.



The rope was not strong enough to carry them
all, so they decided that one had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.



They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech..



She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her
husband & kids or for men in general, & was
used to always making sacrifices with little in return.



As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping ........


SHARE THIS WITH AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, SO
THAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY

incredible drive home

this is what i LOVE about life in LA...I drove home with the top down, windows wide open, CD player blasting, well...OK - it was Jill Scott, and my hair (all 1/2 inch of it) flying all around...i felt like i was flying....

i hope my mom moves here and then i will drive us to Santa Barbara with the top down and we'll take Tilly to the dog beach and have some kind of weird bohemian vegetarian food and maybe meet Meredith for tea....

i love my life...such as it is...and i am inspired (though begrudgingly) by The Shack...i don't want to like it but i find i am deeply moved over and over...it makes me feel like my life of service as a social worker is NOT enough by a long shot....

it never rains in California!

Today is a lovely, sleepy and misty day in NOHO. I woke up with Matilda cuddled against my back...what could be better? OK...I can think of a few things! But...all in all, a small bundle of furry love is a nice thing to have cuddling with you.

After a productive half day of a Social Work Board meeting, a bit of shopping for jewelry odds and ends...I settled in at home last night (did not attend the Korean festivities as I'd hoped) for a quiet evening of reading, music, jewelry design and enjoying leftovers for dinner.

Sunday brings bill-paying (I love doing it online rather than writing out checks, stamping, mailing etc.), coffee drinking, organizing for the busy work week ahead (laundry, grocery shopping)and MORE jewelry designing and creating.

Nat will come over late afternoon and we are planning to go for some Chinese instead of our usual pizza...we are both sick of pizza....though the portabello and roasted garlic pizza I had yesterday at our Board Meeting was scrumptious.

I am finding that I need LOTS of alone time recently and fear that my friends and dear ones will feel neglected....but my energy is definitely limited. I hope this improves...someone suggested that this may just be a natural part of aging...but I don't really like that explanation because 53 doesn't seem all that old...does it??

quarter of a century!

Jordan is twenty-five years old today... and i am a negligent blogger....happy birthday dearest daughter girl....I love you muchos.....

xoxoxox
MOM

follow-up on my check up

....so, on the physical exam...no findings (that is good). on the blood work...tumor markers are elevated (not so good). prescription: watch and wait.

beads, glorious beads

...i spent several hours in the jewelry district in downtown LA yesterday. an amazing place. shop after shop filled wall to ceiling with beads, bangles, baubles, crystals, 'findings' ( the little things you need to make jewelry) and gemstones...it was totally awesome and amazing. i did a little damage to the old pocket book...but found the most gorgeous sky blue Murano beads that i've ever seen. i was in bliss. i spent the rest of the day creating...had to stop when i realized that my eyes couldn't focus any more...damn old age!!

today...more creating, time with Nat doing his taxes, helping him with his application to Art School and him helping me with taking good pictures of my jewelry so I can have better posts on the Etsy site...a good day is in store.

checking in...checking up...checking out...

Today I see Roberto Rodriguez - the o so handsome and sweet 'Columbiano' medical oncologist...can't imagine a nicer guy (by the way - highly competent too!) to have led my care team at Kaiser for the Great Cancer Adventure of '07!!!

I see him every 12 weeks for the next 5 years....I ALWAYS dread the appointment but and feel so relieved afterwards that I've gotten a reprieve from disaster for the next little chunk of time...

Tonight, after work, I make the drive to Cal State Long Beach where I will receive an award for 15 years of service as a Social Work Field Instructor. I am psyched about the award...it's always nice to be acknowledged and appreciated...but NOT looking forward to the long commute in the wrong direction and and then the even longer drive home. Matilda will be lonesome and in the dark on the patio for so long.

Tomorrow is a big day at the Shrine...we begin our interviews for a new Chief of Staff...."the times, they are a changing...."

more giggles and girlfriends...

had a great evening last night at the Out Take Bistro with some of my Breast friends...very cool women I met while participating in a Breast Cancer support group program at We Spark in Sherman Oaks. not everyone was able to be there...and we missed the missing ones...Karen recovering from surgery...Medik out and about...Dikla, Mia, Bonnie 2, Donna...but Penny, Tapia, Bonnie, Fran and I hung out and mostly laughed our heads off...Keep Bonnie in your hearts today...she gets news of tests today....send healing prayers for Karen as she recovers...

a gaggle of girlfriends.........

this is a great shot of some of my best girl friends from high school. there was a min-reunion of sorts a few months ago...i couldn't go...but here they are in all their 50-something glories!!

my eyes hurt

I've had a great and busy (nicely busy, not too busy) day! Nat spent the night and today we made our way on the 405 to the Arts Institute of California - Los Angeles in Santa Moncia. What an incredibly impressive program. If he can get in and if we can figure out a way to pay the tuition - it would be a wonderful opportunity for him. He is really jazzed and I am excited for him.

Then I spent several fun hours with Carol making gorgeous earrings...we have not yet 'graduated' to bracelets or necklaces...but we will...stay tuned.

I sold my first four pairs of earrings yesterday and I am so excited. If the social work career thing doesn't work out - I know that I can sell my creations...of course, so far the $$ netted by the sales underwrites about .0001% of the expense of the supplies I've purchased. I actually miss the earrings and felt kind of sad to have let them go....I will never be a successful entrepreneur at this rate!

Now I need Jordan and Meredith to help me set up at Etsy page so I can sell my creations to strangers on the internet.

My 'store': "hollyspirit designs"

...of these I am most proud...

my best "work"...my contributions to the universe...my way of honoring the Creator...

ah...it is Thursday

I love Thursdays the best of all...I love the word, the fact that Thursday has a "T" for the start so if you mark your calendar 'must do "such 'n such" on T/T' it gets very confusing...so I learned to mark Thursdays in my calendar as "R" not "T" or not the dreaded "Th"...cause every work day has it's own letter...hmmmm...never worried about S and S being Saturday and Sunday, 'cause S was for sleeping and the other S was for doing laundry, grocery shopping and going to church....

This Thursday marks the end (almost) of a very full week...my calendar is spilling over and I wonder how to do all that is in it...most of which I love and really, really want to do....

Tomorrow I should get my surgery date for reconstruction...the 'last" (having had cancer one knows there is never, ever a "last") surgery....We shall see...we shall overcome...we shall prevail...we shall cry and weep and rent our clothes...we shall eat ashes and we shall have our faces ground in dirt and we shall prevail....

Rainy Wednesday

The days seem to escape before I have a chance to sit quietly and reflect...work, rest, work, rest...my time is quickly filled.

Outside and in
Be, begin
Each day the same and better

Facebook

It is the REALLY amazing thing...perhaps you have heard of it?? Nat tutored me last night and now I am hooked. Work, chores, eating, sleeping, dog walking, bathroom visiting, bill paying, friendship sustaining, etc, etc, etc...are all rather inconvenient distractions when there is Facebook!!!

thoughts on St. David's Day - patron Saint of Wales...

It is customary, on Saint David's Day, to present daffodils to those you love......



Vera Pavlova wrote:


“If there is something to desire,

there will be something to regret.

If there is something to regret,

there will be something to recall.

If there is something to recall,

there was nothing to regret.

If there was nothing to regret,

there was nothing to desire.”

two years ago

It was March 2007 when I started chemotherapy. I thought when I got through that ordeal and the subsequent radiation treatment that life would go back to 'normal'...but I honestly don't know if life is ever normal again after being diagnosed with cancer.

I know that I try to live each day I have with honesty, integrity, boldness, courage and compassion. I try to find joy in everyday things. I work hard to make sure that those who love me and those whom I love feel cherished, treasured and really, really loved. I hold them close to my heart....

But, the innocence is gone. The unmitigated joy has disappeared. The thoughtless, careless impulsivity is subdued. Perhaps that is OK. Perhaps it is meant to be like this.

I miss the fearless, brave, intrepid and trusting self of the pre-cancer life. I miss NOT worrying about what comes next. I miss the sureness with which I approached life. I miss the certainty that everything really WILL be OK. I guess I miss myself.

There are many gifts which cancer brought to me or helped me to appreciate more acutely..primarily those gifts of people, friendship, family love and the awareness of and sensitivity to the needs of others. I find I have lowered my expectations of others and this is freeing. I am working on lowering my expectations of myself and that is harder. These are precious gifts and I cherish the learning and growing and stretching that comes with this part of the journey.